I wasn’t ready!

So…what?  Excuse me, what was this?!  15 minutes in I knew we weren’t going to see Audrey.

Sorry, let’s start at the beginning.

Bad Cooper and Ray, going on a little road trip.  They’ve gotten out of prison, and they’re driving in the night.  (All I think about when I see people on tv driving at night is how much I hate driving at night.)  Ray apologizes to Cooper for “losing it back there” and he hopes he can be forgiven.  Cooper pulls out a phone, and says their phone is being tracked.  He then texts the tag of a truck in front of them (DEGWW 8) and they keep driving.  When Ray asks about Daria, Cooper says that she’s waiting on a phone call from them once they get where they’re going.  He also mentions “that place they call the farm” which, to me makes me think of Dead Dog Farm, the house that was being used in the last season of Twin Peaks as sort of a drug meet-up.  I’m not sure about that, however, because they’re in South Dakota, and Twin Peaks is all the way in Washington.  We also find out that Ray has some information that Cooper “wants” (he doesn’t need things, he wants things) and Ray says that he wants to be paid for this information.  They pull off on a dirt road, Ray gets out to pee, Cooper gets his “friend” out of the glove box, and gets out and pulls the gun on Ray, demanding the information.  Ray pulls a gun out of his pants, turns around, Cooper tries to shoot ray, he only has blanks, and Ray shoots Cooper.

Obviously it can’t just end there; this was as normal as the episode was, because everything after this just went berserk.

After Ray shoots Cooper, a gang of those little shadowy men (like the man in the cell, and the man in the hospital, both in Buckhorn) come out of the darkness of the woods.  They start clammering all over Cooper who is laying on the ground, and they look as if they’re patting him all over, putting his blood on his own face, dancing around him, and suddenly they pull a ball out of him.  A giant ball, with Bob’s creepy face on it.  Ray is just laying there, knocked down, horrified, how he’s stayed as long as he did I don’t know.  He FINALLY gets up and runs back to the car, while the little shadowy guys are just dancing around and eventually fade away into mist.  He gets on the phone and leaves a message for Phillip (presumably David Bowie’s character from Fire Walk with Me) and says he saw something that may explain what’s been going on, he thinks Cooper is dead, and he’s clearly shaken up.

Then we go to the Roadhouse, where Nine Inch Nails is playing.  (Okay…???!!!?!?!?!)

As soon as they wrap up, we see that Cooper is NOT dead.  And then…AND THEN…

There are about 30 or so minutes of nothing but visuals.  We are suddenly at July 16, 1945 in White Sands, New Mexico.  Everything is black and white.  We get a wide shot of a nuclear bomb test, and very painful to listen to screeching music sounds (apparently some musical composition to the people of Japan, related to Hiroshima, but it was really terrible, probably intentional).  It very, VERY slowly zooms in, and eventually we’re inside of the mushroom cloud.  We go back and forth between blackness with violently shaken up white dots, murky looking water, whiteness with violently shaking black dots, over and over, and then we go into clouds with colorful explosions.  This sort of reminded me of those early parts of the original Fantasia.  They kind of look like how lightning looks when it’s up in the clouds, but instead of just whiteness they’re brightly colored.  This is almost the only color we get in the entire episode.

Then we’re suddenly looking at a convenience store, everything is still black and white, and after a bunch of stop motion style jerking back and forth, smoke starts coming out of the door, and after it envelopes the building, suddenly it’s gone and there are tons of those little shadowy men shuffling around.

Afterwards we suddenly see that alien thing that ate those kids faces off, and it’s sort of floating around in nothing, and it starts throwing up a long goo flow, with what looks like a bunch of little spotted eggs in it, and a ball that has Bob’s face in it.  (yes, just like the one that was in Cooper.)

Then we get more weird visuals, that go into pink…stuff…then fades into a purple ocean, and slowly, SLOWLY zooms in on this castle on a mountain, from the bottom of the mountain, all the way up, and into a window.  We go back to black and white, as we see this woman sort of in 1940’s flapper type wear, sitting on a couch in an odd room with a giant bell (similar to the thing in that weird 15 minutes from episode 3).  It starts “ringing” and the Giant slowly stands up, walks around, looks down and touches a button to stop the ringing.

The Giant then goes slowly up stairs, looks at the footage of the bomb testing, then sees the Bob orb, then starts floating slowly up.  The woman from the other room comes in, and she’s watching the Giant, and he’s got some golden stuff coming out of his head.  It looks like it forms a sort of uterus shape, and suddenly forms a golden ball.  It floats down to the woman, she looks into it, and it has Laura Palmer’s face!  She kisses the ball, and puts it into this golden tube.  It floats into a very 1940’s looking black and white map of the world and floats across the United States.

Look I know how weird this all sounds.  You should have seen it.  It’s insane!

We go back to the desert, and we go forward in time to August 1956.  A little egg is out there in the desert, and we zoom in to see a frog looking fly thing hatch from it and crawl painfully slowly off screen.  We also see a boy and girl walking at night, I don’t know where they were coming from, but the boy is walking her home.  She mentions that she noticed he lives by the school in town, and asked if he was supposed to get married.  He says that is all over now, she asks if he’s okay, he says he’s fine, she says that’s good.  He kisses her goodnight and she walks into her house.

Elsewhere in the desert there is a man and his wife in a car, when they see another car stopped and some men, (shadowy men!) wandering around.  One of the shadowy men comes up to the window, and asks in the creepiest voice ever “Gotta light?  Gotta light?”  They are rightly freaked out and drive away.

The smoking shadow man (apparently the woodsman?) sort of…appears elsewhere in the desert, near a radio station. (KPJK) He goes into the station, asks the receptionist “gotta light?” and kills her by squeezing her head.  Then he goes back into the DJ booth, and asks him “gotta light?”  He grabs that guys head, and with the other hand turns off the record, flips on the microphone, and starts chanting this weird line over and over.

“This is the water and this is the well. Drink full and descend.

The horse is the white of the eyes, dark within.”

We see that the random people in the town all start to faint after hearing this line, including the young girl that was being walked home.  As she falls asleep, we see our friend from earlier, the frog fly thing, crawling down the road, and you know where this is going.  The frog fly crawls into her window, crawls onto her bed, she opens her mouth, and it crawls in.  Try to watch that scene and not gag, I dare you.

After DJ Woodsman chants this thing about 10 times, he crushes that DJ’s skull, very graphically and disgustingly slowly, and then he just leaves, and walks off into the desert, and we hear a horse neighing.

So, here we are.  What in the world was that?!  Last week things started to feel normal, and nope, let’s just shake this up.  I joked as the boy kissed the girl that he got her pregnant, (because obviously lol) and I’m just guessing that this girl is the mother to someone.  I was thinking at first maybe that egg was the golden ball (Laura) and maybe this was one of Laura’s grandparents, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense that this is the creation of Bob, and that this egg frog fly isn’t Laura’s golden ball.

There isn’t an episode this Sunday, because I guess we need a full two week break to fully digest (gag) that episode. (and 4th of July)  So I’ll just sit and ponder, wonder if we’ll ever see Audrey Horne.

Until next time, happy sewing! 😀