Audible gasps throughout the entire episode!
We start out on one of my least favorite things ever in the world, a night drive. Bad Coop and Richard Horne are driving in that big black truck. They pull off of the main road and onto a dirt road. Bad Coop seems to be looking for those coordinates with a GPS device, and they stop once they get to a place with a large rock on the side of the road. Bad Coop points the KC lights at the rock, and then he starts to talk to Richard. He tells him that he’s gotten three sets of coordinates, and two of them match, so he wants Richard to go on top of that rock, because that’s where the matching ones are, and gives him a device to find the exact spot. In the distance we see Jerry Horne, everyone’s favorite stoner. He’s looking down, and gets out some binoculars, and looks into the wrong side, so everything is even smaller and farther away. Oh Jerry. ❤ My favorite Horne. YES even more than Audrey. He’s always got a yummy treat! 😀
Richard gets to the top of the rock, and as he yells out that he’s at the spot, he seems to be zapped into oblivion. (Bye! You’re the worst!) Jerry is watching this and he’s obviously bothered and freaked out, and starts trying to break his binoculars on the ground. Bad Cooper then says “goodbye, my son” so…THERE’S THAT. 😐 and then he sends this text to presumably Diane:
“: – ) ALL.”
In Las Vegas, we see Hutch and Chantel camped outside of the Jones home. They’re in a really clever disguise, dressed like painters. While they’re sitting there, they see the FBI pull up. The FBI goes to the door, knocks, and make the assumption that no one is home. The head guy yells at poor Wilson to get a car and keep an eye on the house.
We then see Dougie Coop, in the hospital, in a coma. Jayne E and Sonny Jim are sitting by his bedside, and Bud Bushnell comes in to visit as well. A little while later, The Mitchum brothers and the three pink ladies come in with a big floral arrangement and some finger sandwiches. Candy specifically points out that “these are called finger sandwiches”. The Mitchum brothers assure Jayne they’re going to help out as best they can, and they’re going to start by restocking their house. They head off, we quickly see Cole in their hotel room looking at their large arrangement of computers, then back in the hospital room, Bud gets a call from the office saying that the FBI was just there looking for Dougie, and that they’re heading to the hospital.
Back outside of the Jones’ home, Hutch and Chantel are just waiting. Chantel is chowing down on Cheetos, as you do, and they see a white limo pull up, as well as a big van. The Mitchum brothers get out, with the pink lady gang, and they all take in lots of food and other items. Hutch asks if one of them is Dougie Jones, and Chantel says no, none of them looks likes the boss, duh! Chantel is getting really bent out of shape, because “THAT WAS THE LAST BAG OF CHEETOS, HUTCH!” While they’re watching all this going on, a guy pulls up in a Zawaski’s accounting car and knocks on their van, and asks them to move because they’re blocking his driveway. Chantel yells at him that no they’re not blocking his driveway, and they’re not moving. He gives them a look like you’re going to regret that…quickly. He goes to his car and rams into their van. The FBI guys are watching like uhm…. and at this point Chantel shoots at the man through the window. At this point Mr. Zawaski gets out, goes to his trunk and pulls out some kind of automatic pistol with a giant clip on it and shoots Chantel in the arm. He then proceeds to shoot the van all over, and Chantel tries to drive away. The Mitchum brothers see this going down, and they’re just watching in shock, guns drawn. Mr. Zawaski fills the van full of bullet holes, along with Hutch and Chantel. Their van slowly rolls to a stop, and that’s the last we hear of our Cheetos eating hitmen. (RIP) At this point the FBI guys finally think it’s time to get involved, and tell Mr. Zawaski to drop his gun and put his hands up. Bradley Mitchum delivers one of the best lines of the episode so far, saying “WTF kind of neighborhood is this?!” to which his brother replies “People are under a lot of stress!” They put their guns away and think it’s a good time to hit the road with the girls.
Back in the hospital Jayne E takes Sonny Jim to find a restroom. Bud gets up and is looking concerned over Dougie, when he starts to hear the same humming that we’ve been hearing at the Great Northern! He follows the sound out of the hospital room, and suddenly COOPER! Pulls the ventilator out of his mouth and sits up!!! Mike appears in front of him, and he says “You are awake” to which Coop replies “One hundred percent” and Mike says “Finally” OH MY GOD!!!!! Cooper asks if Mike has the seed. Mike shows him a little golden pearl. Cooper says I need another one, and pulls out a piece of hair. He then takes the owl cave ring from Mike after Mike tells him that Bad Coop is still out. Bud comes back in the room, ecstatic over his recovery, and Cooper asks him to pass him those sandwiches, he’s starving. Jayne and Sonny Jim come back in, and he tells them to go get the car and wait for him down stairs. He gets dressed, and he asks Bud to deliver a note to a man named Gordon Cole that he thinks will be coming by. He uses Bud’s phone to call the Mitchum brothers and arranges for them to fly him to Spokane, WA. He asks Bud to borrow his snub nosed gun, then thanks Bud for his kindness. He says it’s been a pleasure to know him and he won’t forget their time together. When Bud asks him “what about the FBI?” Cooper replies “I am the FBI.” I almost cried.
Cooper, Jayne E and Sonny Jim hop in the car, Jayne is surprised when Cooper wants to drive. They head off to the casino, after Cooper asks how to get there. Sonny Jim comments how “Dad can drive, really well!” (omg you sweet baby angel Sonny Jim!) Keep in mind, since Cooper’s gotten up and dressed, the Twin Peaks main theme has been playing, and it just swells the entire time, a full wave of emotions takes you over!
Back in Buckhorn, Diane gets the text we saw Bad Cooper send, and it’s as if it triggers something in her. She thinks back, and sends him the coordinates that we saw her zoom in on to Twin Peaks. We then see that she’s got a gun in her purse, and then that crazy music that was playing the first time we saw Bad Coop starts playing. She slowly makes her way up to the room with Cole, Albert and Tammy. She stands outside the door, and before she can say anything Cole tells her to come in. She sits down and says she’s ready to talk about the last night she saw Cooper. It was about 3 years after he’d vanished, and he came in to her house. No knock, no doorbell, he just came in. She was so excited to see him, she was asking him about where he’d been and what he’d been doing, and he just wanted to know about FBI business. She said that he leaned in to kiss her, but as soon as his lips touched hers something went wrong, and she said he had a wicked smile that scared her. He then raped her (really is the worst person) and then he took her “to some old gas station” and then she started repeating “sheriff’s station” over and over, then she started saying “I’m not me, I’m not me” and she reaches for her gun and before she can get a shot off, Albert and Tammy both shoot her. She falls back and disappears! Tammy is shocked and says “They’re real! She was a tulpa!” We then see Diane in the red room, sitting in the chair, and Mike tells her “someone manufactured you.” She responds “I know, f@#& you.” and then her face starts to crack, like she was popping her jaw, but then her face cracks open like an egg hatching, and it’s just the same thing that happened with Dougie. Black fiery stuff starts coming out, then a gold ball floats out, then her body just implodes.
When Cooper gets to the casino, the Mitchum brothers ask if he’s ready to go, and Jayne asks where they’re going. He then takes Jayne E and Sonny Jim to the side to explain to them that he has to go away for a little while, but “Dougie-..I will be back” and at this moment Jayne kind of realizes that this isn’t her Dougie. Sonny Jim starts to get upset and starts saying “You’re my dad, you’re my dad!” just like Donna did when she found out Ben Horne was her real dad. (They sneak all this little stuff in there!) Before Dougie leaves, Jayne kisses him and says “whoever you are…thank you.”
The Mitchums, Cooper and the pink lady gang all get in the limo and head to the airport. Cooper gets settled with a coffee, Bradley gets a bloody Mary, and Rodney wants to clarify the story; “so you’re an FBI agent, you’ve been missing for 25 years, and we need to get you to a place called Twin Peaks’ sheriff department.” The brothers are glad to take him, but they’re not normally accepted in those kinds of places or with that kind of company. Cooper says that he’s a witness to the testament that they have hearts of gold, to which Candy agrees “They do! They really do!”
In the Roadhouse this week, we’re treated to a solo performance from Eddy Vedder. He’s introduced using his given name, so at first you’re like “wait, isn’t that Pearl Jam dude? Yea!” After a little while, we see Audrey and Charlie have FINALLY MADE IT TO THE ROADHOUSE! GOD! They wait until some seats clear at the bar, and Charlie orders them some martinis. Charlie makes a toast “to us” and Audrey says “to Billy” and drinks her martini. After the song ends, the MC announces “Audrey’s Dance” and the music that Audrey danced to in the RR so many years ago starts playing. The entire crowd clears the floor, and Audrey gets up and starts dancing. She just does her dreamy, waving around dance, and this goes on for a few minutes. Suddenly a man busts through the crowd and starts yelling “that’s my wife!” and hits a man in the crowd over the head with a bottle. All this commotion scares Audrey, who runs over to Charlie and says “get me out of here!” As she says this, she appears in an all white room, and all we can see his her looking into a mirror, and she’s surprised, shocked and horrified all at the same time. She clearly has no idea what is going on, where she is, and neither do we! We then end up back in the Roadhouse, but the band is playing Audrey’s song backwards.
I have no idea what to expect from the last two episodes. They’re coming on this weekend, and I’m just expecting to be blown away. I’ll be sad to see this series end again, but I’ve really enjoyed this new season. Who knows, there’s a new book coming out, and whispers of a fourth season. We’ll just have to see! Until next time, happy sewing!