It finally happened, y’all!  BUT WHICH THING AM I TALKING ABOUT?!

This week we start out this week with John Snow landing at Dragonstone.  He and his crew are met at the beach by Dothraki guards, Tyrion and Missandei.  John and Tyrion have a friendly exchange, and everything seems great so far.  Missandei asks the newcomers to turn over their weapons, which they do.  They head towards the castle and Tyrion asks about Sansa, and asks if “she misses me terribly” but assures John that the marriage was a sham and never consummated.  They continue to discuss Sansa and Tyrion says how she’s smarter than she lets on, and John says “she’s starting to let on.”  As they’re walking one of the dragons skims overhead and Davos and John hit the deck.  No one else seems phased by them, and Tyrion tells them to come, their mother is waiting for them.

Overhead Melisandre is watching from a cliff and Varys comes to ask why she isn’t down there, shouldn’t she be brokering this meeting.  Melisandre says that they didn’t part on good terms, but that she’s done her part to “bring ice and fire together.”  She says that she is heading to Velantis, and Varys advises her not to return to Westeros.  She says she plans to return to die, because she is destined to die there, just like he is.  Varys sees the remaining Greyjoy fleet coming into the bay.

John and Davos are led into the throne room where Daenerys is waiting for them.  Missandei introduces her with all of her titles, The Unburnt Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea Breaker of Chains Mother of Dragons..and Davos says “this is John Snow.” *que laughter* And then says “Oh he’s the king in the North.”  Daenerys and John exchange their family histories, why she thinks he should bend the knee as Starks have done, he says he isn’t a Stark and her ancestors burned his ancestors alive.  She apologizes for her father’s actions, and he doesn’t think she should be held responsible for what he did.  Daenerys asks what he’s there for, and he says they need each other.  She says she doesn’t need his help, she’s got three dragons and a fleet.  John points out she doesn’t want to kill innocent people and that’s why she hasn’t taken King’s Landing, and then starts to tell her about the white walkers and his need for dragon glass.  Daenerys doesn’t believe him, and thinks it’s all a myth and a story.  She has a very strong monolog about not believing in the faith of others and only believes in herself and her destiny.  That’s how she’s hatched dragons when they have been gone for so long and she will take her throne.  Davos starts to go into John’s back story about the struggles he’s been through, how he was named Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch, he made peace with the wildlings, took a knife to the heart, and John stopped him before he could mention the whole, dying and being brought back business.  Tyrion looks like he’s trying to convince John to pledge loyalty, but he isn’t interested in doing so.  Daenerys says that since he’s the king in the North and will not pledge loyalty then he is in rebellion.  Varys comes in and whispers to Daenerys about the fleet, and Daenerys looks to John and says that they must be tired from their journey, they have rooms for them, to which John asks if he is a prisoner.  She replies “not yet.”

Outside we see Theon being pulled into a Greyjoy boat, and he explains Yara has been captured, he couldn’t save her, and the rest of the boat walks away from him in disgust.  (oh no not my feels again!)

Back in King’s Landing we see Euron Greyjoy pulling Yara, Ellaria and Tyene behind his horse as the city cheers them on.  He’s so thrilled, and he walks his prisoners all the way into the throne room, where Cersei, the Mountain, and Jamie are waiting.  Euron pulls Ellaria and Tyene up to Cersei’s feet, where Ellaria spits and Cersei makes this angry laugh smile, like she’s thinking I don’t care what you do now, I’ve won.  Euron goes on about having done his part, and Cersei says he will have what his heart desires, once the war is won.  Euron then taunts Jamie, saying how the people love him and Jamie wouldn’t know what that’s like, to which Jamie replies those are the same people who were spitting on Cersei and throwing things at her while she was drug through the streets naked.  Euron points out that the people don’t care who’s head is on the spikes, they just like severed heads.  He then asks Jamie on tips about how to make love to Cersei – NO SHAME!- and then leaves with Yara.

In the dungeons, Cersei has Ellaria and Tyene locked up across from each other, gagged.  Cersei goes on about how poetic it would have been for the Mountain to crush her skull in the way he did her lover’s, and that she remembers the way she screamed on that day.  She then goes into guilting her for killing her only daughter.  Cersei removes Tyenes gag and starts to go on about how beautiful she is, then grabs her face and kisses her, just like Ellaria did to Myrcella, and when she wipes her lips, she says how her meister formulated a similar poison to what Ellaria used, and how she would be forced to watch her daughter rot in front of her.  And she will be kept there for the rest of her life.  Cersei leaves and immediately goes to Jamie and they hook up.  Still gross.  They wake up together, and although Jamie protests Cersei answers the door and they’re seen together.  Cersei meets with Tycho Nestoris from the Iron Bank who  brings up that they’re in debt from the last war, there is a new war brewing, and Cersei reminds him that Lannisters always pay their debts, and that in two weeks time she would repay their debts in full.

We go back to Dragonstone, and now it’s time for Tyrion to play mediator.  He first meets with John who is feeling trapped in Dragonstone, he needs to go home since he’s not going to be helped here.  He feels foolish, and Tyrion wants to help however he can.  Tyrion believes him about white walkers, and Daenerys saves people from monsters just as John is doing, but she can’t drop what she’s doing to help.  We then see Tyrion meeting with Daenerys where he mentions just letting John take the dragon glass because it’s worthless to her, and she could make peace by giving him nothing of any value.  Daenerys asks about the white walkers, and Tyrion says he believes him because he came against everyone’s advice, and when Daenerys asks about the knife to the heart, Tyrion doesn’t really know what Davos was talking about.  Outside John meets Daenerys, and she agrees to let him mine the dragon glass and provide workers for it.  He has no opposition to her removing Cersei from the Iron Throne.  She says “you’d better get to work, John Snow” and everyone watching just died from excitement.  Later in the episode in “the war room” they are discussing battle plans and what they can do now since their Greyjoy fleet is gone and they can’t use the Dornish.  Daenerys wants to basically fly into King’s Landing on dragonback and burn the Lannisters alive.  However everyone protests, saying she’s the only one who can ride a dragon and she’s too valuable to go.  Tyrion starts to describe what plans they have in action now, which as he is describing it, it’s happening in real time.  He describes how his father tasked him with designing the sewers for Casterly Rock, since that was the lowest job he could assign to him.  He took advantage of that and made a passageway to sneak women in, since his fornicating ways were not deemed suitable.  The Unsullied could sneak in through this passage as they were attacking from their obvious point of attack, they could also sneak in from behind and take them over more easily.  After they take over, they notice they’ve taken the Casterly Rock way too easily, Grey Worm asks a dying soldier where the rest of their men are, and they look out to see Euron and his fleet have destroyed their ships.

In Winterfell Sansa is gearing up for winter, and she’s just settled into her new role as Lady of Winterfell.  Littlefinger is trying to sway her, but she’s mostly just taking it in stride.  She seems to only take what advice she wants from him, which is good.  He tells her to think as if everything that could happen is happening, and that way nothing would ever surprise her and she would always be ready.  Their talk is interrupted by Bran coming home.  BRAN!  Who…is totally weird now.  Sansa and Bran go over to that weirwood tree and he tries explaining all that three eyed raven mess to her, and she’s not getting it.  He then starts talking about how beautiful she was on her wedding night, and how awful the rest of the night was, and she goes inside.  Like, hey bro haven’t seen you in a long time, how about you remind me the worst things ever. 😐

In the Citadel, Jorah is cured!  Meister Ambrose says that he’s free to go, and Sam and Jorah shake hands.  Jorah says he is going to Daenerys.  Sam meets with Meister Ambrose, who says he should be very proud of pulling off such a difficult procedure, however he now needs to copy all of these old scrolls.  Sam should have been kicked out, but he’s just having to do more grunt work.

In Highgarden we find out where the rest of the Lannister army is, as they are taking care of the rest of the houses in rebellion.  Their massive army takes the castle very easily, and Jamie meets up stairs with Olenna Tyrell.  He starts to describe how Casterly Rock didn’t have much supplies, so that the army there would have to travel across the continent and wouldn’t survive.  He then tells her all the ways Cersei wanted to kill her, but how he suggested just poisoning her with wine.  Olenna asks if it will be painful, he assures her no.  She drinks the glass of wine down, and then says how she didn’t want to look the way Joffrey did on his wedding day.  She didn’t intend on him to die that way, clawing at his throat, but it was the first time she’d ever seen the poison used.  Jamie looks at her in shock, and she is telling him how she has done everything she could to protect her family, including killing Joffrey.  Olenna also wanted to make sure that Jamie told Cersei that she was the one behind it.  This was SO SATISFYING.  I think everyone watching was just like YES! YES!!!  Because I know I was.

Next week looks like more fighting is going down, so we’ll see what’s going down where!  Until next time, happy sewing!